In Defense of Selfies

“Sexiness”. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to that word lately. There are many great sections to this blog and I find it funny I’ve been asked to write for the Avengers of Sexiness category. Maybe because it’s a rare day that I would consider myself “sexy”. This may be because I have three kids ages five and under in my house and so time for “sexiness” and “adult time” is limited. One thing I know – it’s made me think a lot more about how I make time for those things in my life, and how I can continue to make myself feel sexy, even with parenthood, stepmom stress, and your other typical life issues that all men and women deal with.

I take the dreaded “selfie” from time to time. Actually, confession time – I take them a lot. I get picked on for them a lot as well. It’s always amusing to me when that happens. Well, yes, it’s my Facebook (Instagram, Twitter, etc); of course it’s full of pictures and thoughts of mine. My first reaction – if you don’t like it, stop following me. My second reaction is to wonder if the person is right to point out my vanity, my self-centeredness. Surely there’s something better I could be doing with my time than straightening my hair and putting on some make up. I suppose some days they’re right. There’s always something better to be doing with your time, though, isn’t there? There’s always someone whose life is harder than yours. There’s always someone or something that deserves more of your time.

You want to know why I, and probably many other women, take seflies randomly and sometimes often? It’s for the simplest reason you can imagine. It makes me feel pretty for a minute. I caught myself feeling good and I want to capture that feeling, that moment, that one brief moment during my day of housework, laundry, childcare, and spending most days in yoga pants where I actually felt sexy or pretty or just good and happy. This doesn’t just have to apply to the stay-at-home-moms. How about the single childless woman who has a two minute break in her busy day to feel beautiful for a moment? What about that working mom who doesn’t get to see her kids until later at night and is working so hard at her job? Does she not deserve a moment for a selfie, for a beautiful moment?

There are many friends I have who I only communicate with online. Maybe they moved away and I don’t see them more than once a year. Maybe we’ve never met in person but we’ve had years of friendship. What does that have to do with selfies? I want to see you – all of you awesome people! I want to see you in your daily lives, enjoying yourself and your friends and families. I don’t get to see you in person so…. Share those selfies! There are so many of us on Facebook like that. There are so many friendships and relationships of all sorts that can’t happen in person every day.

If a selfie makes you feel sexy, do it. If you need an hour to yourself at the end of your day to take a bath, read a book, go for a run, etc – do that too. Life is short, and when our occasional indulgence isn’t hurting anyone, I leave you with these three words – Go for it!

Jessie Ivanowski

Jessie Ivanowski is a polyamorous mom and stepmom living in New England with her Anchor, Jason. Recently addicted to Starbucks, and not-so-recently addicted to Chucks, she is looking into a twelve step program. She has, however, accepted that she can’t help starting ten books at once, getting lost in old shows on Netflix, and spending random game nights with friends. Her other passions include photography, home schooling, Magic the Gathering, and cultivating her son’s love of all things geeky. Currently studying to become a doula, she hopes to educate women as a birth assistant and also publish her novel about step families and polyamory.

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