Laying on the beautiful 4 poster bed that they so carefully selected together so many years ago, she thought about all the hopes and dreams that went into every detail of that master bedroom. She thought about the excitement when she called to tell him she’d found it. It was like yesterday. Only, that was simply in her memory. These days those thoughts just seemed empty. She remembered how his eyes would light up whenever she walked into the room. She also thought of all the times in the recent years when she would look for that reassurance in the eyes of the person that she trusted most to reflect back to her what she had forgotten about herself. That she was beautiful, desired and more than anything, accepted. It was a look that so many women and men crave from their significant other. Often times it doesn’t come. Maybe that has been you at one time or another.
This post is to talk about February. Why February you may ask? I’m glad you asked. There are several reasons. It is the shortest month of the year. It falls right after the first month that sets off the year with all of our New Year’s Resolutions that we create, knowing that most of them are just hopes waiting for action to be put behind them. It is also the only month of the year that an entire race of people look to be recognized for contributions that happened throughout history, Black History Month. Lastly, it is the one month of the year that so many people have hinged their value and worthiness upon someone’s decision to romantically call them a Valentine. Please don’t misunderstand. I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in the power of love. There is an unmistakable feeling to know that we are loved romantically by someone whom is also the object of our affection. But shouldn’t this love, any genuine love, be demonstrated all year long? Just as the contribution to our society by African Americans be recognized on an ongoing basis like every other significant contributor in American history. And what about all the women, and men who feel insignificant and less valuable because someone else did not make a public appeal of their love? The unspoken rejection of so many people as a result of this lack of acknowledgement is disheartening and does not need to be. However, I propose that a greater fulfillment is achieved when we resolve to claim our own value privately as opposed to society’s public display. What makes February so special, except that the retailers needed a reason to increase public spending and the government needed a place to pretend to make a public retribution? As an American woman of color, I understand the potential hurt associated with all of these situations.
We women (men too) are beautiful and loveable solely because we are the creations of a loving Creator. I challenge you & myself to refuse to be that woman depicted above who looks to see her enoughness …yes, I sometimes make up words when they are important…reflected in the eyes of someone else. That woman who feels less than when she sees the roses delivered to her coworker. Or maybe the housewife whose busy spouse forgot to purchase her a special gift. You are valued and made perfect because of your imperfections, even if this is one more year that you find yourself unattached to another. Don’t believe the hype. Attach yourself to the bigger purpose of presenting one more person to the world who loves herself unconditionally. This entire year, not this month or one day, celebrate your own enoughness like no one is watching. If you must get into the consumer craze, purchase some fancy panties, champagne and flowers, stand in front of your mirror and relish. You, after all, are the daughter of the King. If you find this challenging, cut of a few of those roses and stick them on your eyes until you can see yourself through them. Beautiful…Fresh and Valuable.
I believe that self love needs to supersede any other in order for one’s true light to shine.
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Very well said Charisse. I totally agree that we should celebrate love every day of the year and not just on Valentine’s Day. Like the idea of fancy panties but love your going “commando” idea even better.
Thanks Patricia. “commando” is where it’s at. More of that for another post.