Disappearing Friendships

Have you ever had a close friend just stop talking to you and pretend you no longer exist? Maybe I am the only one that is lucky enough to have it happen.

Recently, I have had two close friends who suddenly stopped talking to me. When I say suddenly, I mean, one day they were talking to me and then literally the next day, radio silence. I have no idea what I did wrong. I have wracked my brain to try to see if I offended them somehow. I have asked my other friends to see if I did something wrong. I really wanted to know so I wouldn’t lose more friends. However, for the life of me, I don’t know what I did.


Losing friendships is not a new thing. We have different friends throughout our lives. When a friendship ends, there is usually a reason. There is often a disagreement, someone moves away, leaves a job, etc. But when someone stops talking to you and won’t acknowledge the ending of the friendship, you are left with countless reasons why it happened and none of them make sense. It truly is a mystery with my two friends who decided to stop talking to me.

I understand friendships end and change. I get it. There are times when friends just need to part ways because they don’t see eye to eye.

Friendships are so important to me. I don’t have a family so my friends are my family. I surround myself with friends who understand that. I don’t have a lot of close friends but the friends that are in my life, I view as family.

I mourn for the lost friendships. I have anger as well. One friendship ended the day after I took her on a trip to Paris. I don’t think it is out of line to assume I was used for a free trip. Being gullible is something I don’t like to be.

Each friendship I have provides me with learning experiences and growth opportunities. I treasure all my friends because they bring so much to the table. I value the quality of the friendship versus having a lot of acquaintances.

So what could I do differently? How should I make sure this doesn’t happen again?

I wouldn’t change anything. I give my friendship freely and without reservation. I don’t put conditions on how I love or how much. Maybe this is where I fail as a friend. However, this is who I am and if I need to change myself to be a cynical friend so I won’t get hurt, I would rather not.

I think the friends that have left my life suddenly were on a journey that didn’t include me. They needed something that I could no longer provide. As sad as it is, I wish them well. I wish I could ask them why they had to leave but I understand sometimes there are times that there are no answers. Sometimes, friendships just disappear. I will be ok. They will be too. I know I learned things from them and I hope it was mutual as well.

Sarah Heil-Brenny

Sarah Heil-Brenny is a single divorced mom of three teenage boys who lives in a suburb of the Twin Cities. Pack leader of two dogs with a combined weight of 9 pounds. She is often found knitting in inappropriate places, watching way too much Netflix, posting too many pictures on Instagram, and munching on anything gummy. Sarah pretends she is an extrovert but she is a closeted introvert who adores spending an obscene amount of time by herself and a few awesome friends. She is an adolescent psychotherapist who has a private practice. Photojournalism was a passion that turned into a business but really it’s because she can fly her drone. She does this all the while going to school for her PhD in Social Work. Someday she hopes she can just sit, relax and not stress about her yarn stash. Until then, she lives her chaotic life. Welcome to it.

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