Sex is not limited to penetration. Our sexual power begins far before we enter the bedroom and lingers long after we leave. It is a power that cannot be defined as it is an inherently subjective experience for each one of us.
We carry our sexuality beyond the bedroom doors, into our everyday lives. I encourage my coaching clients to live a life of foreplay and make the most of their sensuality, or how they experience sensuality in their environment. The root word of sensuality is the word sense; we use our sex is not limited to penetration. Our sexuality culminates in our experiences with intimacy, sensuality, gender, reproduction, anatomy and senses to heighten and tune in to our sensual selves. Whether it be the intoxicating smell of fresh lilacs, the feel of an ice cube along hot flesh, the taste of cinnamon spiced chocolate from a lovers hand or the sight of your lovers gentle smile, letting you know what could be next! Make passion and pleasure a way of life and take in each moment. Foreplay is more than the 5 minutes of due diligence before the perceived main event.
Just as important as foreplay is afterplay, the erotic interaction that follows intercourse and orgasm. It is a time to bathe in the closeness provided by the massive oxytocin download that comes with orgasm. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone; it makes us want to stay connected and bond with our lovers. It is responsible for cultivating intimacy and trust between lovers and cementing the bond over time.
Here are my top 3 tips to make the most of your Afterplay time:
Keep in touch – This is a time of high arousal, and all the senses are heightened. Make the most of your excitable nerve endings and engage your sensual self in the moment. Keep touching your lover, massage is a fantastic way to stay connected intimately and nurture your love.
Think ahead – Keep everything you might need by your bedside so you don’t have to leave the comfort of your lovers embrace. Soft towels, water, massage oil, and a light snack will keep you under the covers and in physical contact with your partner for longer.
Time is on your side – Time is essential in helping men attain another erection for sexual intercourse. Physiologically, men’s nervous systems have what is called an Absolute Refractory Period, which means he cannot attain another erection with stimulation before his nervous system gives him the go ahead. Women, on the other hand, have a Relative Refractory Period, which allows us to have multiple orgasms and we can react to stimulation before zero threshold is reached!
Viva la Passion!
Lesley Stedmon is a sensuality coach, author, speaker and registered nurse dedicated to inspiring women to create more time for pleasure and sensuality in their busy lives and creating the space their desires deserve.
When not on her Sensual Journey, Lesley can be found writing, reading and chilling with her Sisterhood, playing with her kids and living large with her husband on beautiful Vancouver Island, BC.