I did something I never do this past weekend. Not only did I turn on the TV, but I ended up getting sucked into the Joel Osteen Ministries show. Have you ever seen this before? I was getting ready to switch the channel when he started talking about something that hit home…..jealousy! He was using Biblical analogies to talk about what we refer to as…haters! We can all relate to those people. You know, the ones who can never appreciate your success, the ones that are only happy when you’re miserable,the ones that bash you behind your back and hell, even bash you on social media and publicly just because they know you are better than them. That’s right. They know it so they use you to deal with their own insecurities. So how many of us can relate to dealing with these “haters?” And, if we’re being honest, how many of us actually get hurt and angry because of their actions? You are not alone! I do too. Logically I can tell you that I know the problem resides within these people, but emotionally it still hurts my feelings. And that makes me so mad. I want to be tough and pretend I don’t care what they think, but down deep I do. SO how do we deal with this?
I’ve noticed as I’ve become more public (for lack of a better term) that I have a ton more people hating on me, many of whom I don’t even personally know or even associate with. It literally baffles me how these people have enough time in their day to stalk me and make me the target of their negativity, for no apparent reason except the fact that I’m good at what I do and I make no apologies about it!
Over time, I’ve compiled some tactics on how to deal with these people so I can actually get on with my life and stop obsessing.
1. It’s not about you, it’s all about them.
When folks are posting negative comments or attempting to bring you down it’s because of their own insecurities . You are just the scapegoat. Knowing this can hopefully minimize you saying over and over “what the hell did I do wrong?” because you probably did nothing wrong, but did everything right, and that’s what makes them jealous and insecure. So don’t change a thing.
2. Kill them with kindness.
I love this. I love when someone expects my woman claws to come out and start a chick fight but instead I’m sugary sweet and often offer that person a compliment. It makes them so off guard they don’t know how to respond. Guess who looks like the jerk now? It’s not you. Try to remain calm, remain professional, and throw in a lovely compliment and see what happens. (side note, this works wonders with ex husbands, too)
3. Don’t change your path just because someone you love questions it.
There is always that one family member or friend that judges everything you do, and not in a good way. But if you know you are on your right path and are doing what you are meant to, don’t let them get into your head. Then you will question every decision, every action and it will bring you down. Know that their concern (and judgment) comes out of love, they just don’t show it how you need it. Accept that and move on. Not everyone can give you love and support how you need it and those people make it their personal mission to question you at every turn or bring you down every time you share a success. Sound familiar? We all know who those people are in our lives. Love them anyway.
4. Negativity will suck the life out of you.
True, I believe we attract what we put out to this great universe. The more love and respect and positivity we give to the universe, the more we get back. And guess what? It seems doubly so with negativity and hatred. You may be so tempted to lash out at your haters and get sucked into their negativity, DONT! Resist! The more you fuel it the more it will come back at you, twice as bad. Trust me on this one and don’t try this at home. I speak from experience. Go to your happy place, meditate, put yourself in a time out, but avoid putting it out there, because you can’t take it back once you do. (refer to # 2) Try to be kind and complimentary and you’ll be surprised how that affects your day and your outlook. Negativity is like a set dominoes, it starts with one and then just spirals out of control and then your whole day seems to revolve around it. The good thing is YOU can stop it. We can’t change the actions of others but thankfully we can change our own actions. Choose to not engage.
Ok, so I totally stole this concept from James Altucher that I read a while back. 30% of people will love you, 30% will hate you and 30% just don’t care. That is a powerful statement, but I think many of us can relate. Put the haters where they belong, in the trash, and continue being the best YOU you can possibly be. Focus on the positive support system and most importantly to the only person you need to please…yourself!
Veronica is an accomplished author and her first book "Dialogue 3" was published in 2002 and showcases her photographs of people and places and the tragedy of 911. She is currently a continuing education photography teacher at Brookdale Community College instructing courses from beginner DSLR to more advanced portraiture courses and also hosts workshops around the state to amateur and hobbyist photographers.
She has been interviewed on several radio talk shows, featured on blogs and her work has been on several reality TV shows such as TLC's Four Weddings, Bravo's Cake Boss, HGTV's Dina's Party and The Real Housewives of NJ.
Veronica is currently speaking in the tri-state area on photography and how women can build their confidence in photographs. She instructs women how to pose better, and sell their brand with a perfect head shot.
Since beginning her professional career in 1996 as a photojournalist, Veronica has won many awards for her portraiture work. She worked for some of the top media outlets in the tri-state area such as The Star Ledger, The New York Times and the Associated Press.
Latest posts by Veronica Yankowski (see all)
- The Million Man March, A Reflection 20 Years Later - October 16, 2015
- How To Feel Good About Yourself When You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself - October 8, 2015
- The Center of My World - July 21, 2015
Kind of cool my photography work was published this morning and my latest post on Vivid & Brave. This post is… http://t.co/OW77TxFIka
http://t.co/w1m3I7h3ml. I think many of us can relate to having haters! He is my… http://t.co/7ogfUA1JRS
I like Taylor Swift’s advice. #ShakeItOff
It’s funny, because I have no idea if I have haters. I have no time for people who aren’t interested in making an effort to visit with or get to know me. So I move on and don’t pay attention to what they may say.
Natasha when they start to make themselves known to you, you will know. I gather it starts silently but eventually it gets louder. This is new to me as well, or maybe it was there all along and I was clueless. Either way, the behavior is hurtful, childish, and usually has nothing to do with us.
Have you had a second to read my latest Vivid & Brave post… http://t.co/q2RzD0hKex
I’ve got to be honest, I’m really enjoying making use of my journalism degree and writing. It’s cathartic and a… http://t.co/pujAflnB0E
This is awesome! I just wish I could have read it about 7 or 8 months ago when I was having to deal with some really crappy crap from someone I used to consider a friend… Until I started hearing some truth from other people and seeing this “friend” show her true colors nice and bright that is. Instead of spending so much time feeling awful, full of anxiety, crying and wracking my brain day and night trying to figure out what I had done that could possibly have been so horrible, I could have been reassured that I wasn’t to blame for all the crappiness and I was in fact handling it in all the right ways. Thanks for sharing this!
This is SO true lol
I LOVE this! I’ve gained confidence in the aftermath of my divorce but suddenly lost friends. I noticed that I was making ‘unrealistic’ goals and actually meeting them and a few select ‘friends’ were on standby waiting to watch me fail. When I succeeded, they did not like it. I felt guilty for succeeding. Now I just feel guilty for wasting my time with people who hold me back