I won’t even lie, as I write this I am coming to the end of what I think I will always call the worst month of my life or certainly the worst month of my life up to this point. As I begin to recover from breaking up with the man who I thought to be the love of my life, I have learned a few things – some of them I knew but had forgotten and some have been new lessons.
1. Honor the grief
2. Reach out to people when you need them
3. Be willing to say what you need is to be left alone
4. Be alone when you need to be
5. Be with people when you need to be
6. Staying busy helps in some ways
7. Staying busy hurts in some ways
8. Your body is capable of creating an infinite number of tears
9. You are also capable of crying without generating a single tear
10. One of the toughest parts of losing the person you love most is that in your pain and grief, they are the only person you want and the only person you can’t have
11. Closure conversations are both helpful and hurtful
12. Be honest about the source of your grief
13. When you are truly in need, some people you never expected to show up will show up
14. When you are truly in need, some people you expected to show up won’t show up
15. Beer helps until it doesn’t
16. Restraint in communication is important but sometimes you need to say what needs to be said
17. It’s ok to be as sad as you are
18. You can be both sad and angry in the same space
19. Some moments you will absolutely have to remind yourself to breathe
20. Some moments the only thing that will keep you on the planet is breathing
21. Some moments the only other thing that will keep you on the planet is the knowledge that with time it will get better
22. People are just trying to be helpful when they say “what can I do to help?” no matter how frustrating that question is
23. Try to focus on what you had at times and not what you lost
24. The caveat to 23 is focus on what you lost if it helps you move through the grief
25. The only way to feel better in the long run is through the grief – no matter how much you’d like to skip over it, you can’t
26. Continue to treat people the way you wish to be treated
27. Cut yourself some slack
28. Curling up in a ball in your bed is sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself
29. Dressing up, putting yourself together and going out is sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself
30. If necessary, chant to yourself “this will get better”
Because it will.
I'm a single lady living in the suburbs of Philadelphia with 2 cats named Leo and Toby (after characters on "The West Wing" - one day I will have the ability to recite the entire series by heart.That's a noble goal, yes?).
I've had a varied career doing a bunch of technical stuff that isn't that interesting to folks who aren't doing it but my real passion is writing.I also get the fabulous pleasure of coaching people from time to time and that brings me amazing joy and energy.
If you want to hang with me there are things you should know:I curse.A lot.I like hoppy beer.A lot.I like big and deep red wines. A lot. I adore my friends.A lot, a lot.I am passionate about politics (or a big geek about them - you choose).I'm an accidental but rather passionate Unitarian and few things make me happier than my dining room table surrounded by people I love.And picking paint colors, let's not forget that. Find me online here.