For this, my very first post for Vivid & Brave, as an AVENGER of sexiness, I’ve been stuck. As a lover of sex and sensuality, this seemed silly.
There are so many things I want to share with you — the slick gorgeousness of coconut oil as a natural lube, the search for a sexy, but comfy bra, the discovery of little turn ons in your daily life and so much more.
And yet, this first post felt like it deserved to be more momentous than those topics. It’s a challenge. A blank slate. A chance to live the story I tell my business clients.
“Go after that which sets your soul on fire, push through that which makes your heart pound and face flush. Do it. Don’t let fear control your life’s journey.”
And yet, I was being a total CHICKEN about my sexuality and hiding a fairly large aspect of myself.
So here it is. I’m bi, have always been bi and yet, beyond my husband and a few select, close friends, nobody knew about that aspect of me. Yet, I’ve discovered in my “conducted in top secret” life journey that I’m not weird or strange.
There are MANY of us bi and bi-curious ladies out there. It could be you, your sister, your neighbor, your best friend. So why was I not being, as they say, loud and proud?
As someone that strives to be an avenger, to be a mother hen for the underdog, it felt disingenuous to hide that aspect of myself publicly.
By hiding, I was suggesting that it’s “wrong” to be bi, or “different” for that matter, when I 100% don’t feel that way. We should all have the opportunity to love how we want to love, as long as it doesn’t physically, and without consent, hurt anyone in the process.
I consider myself open minded, and want friends to feel comfortable coming to me for advice, whether it’s for sexual tips or just how to perfectly roast a chicken (350′ oven, fresh rosemary + lemon inside, kosher salt on the outside, roast for 60 min +/- depending on size, poke thickest part of the thigh and if the juices run clear, it’s done!).
And yet, somehow I’ve kept myself in the closet for 33 years. I didn’t even realize there WAS a closet for people “like me”, but guess what, just thinking that meant I was deep in there… way back with the dusty skeletons of dark secrets hidden. And for what?
As my friend’s husband said about being bi when I came out to them recently, “That’s cool. There’s more to choose from that way. You’re widening the playing field.”
So here’s me coming out to you. Baring my soul, and hoping that by sharing this aspect of myself, something that I have seen many, many women hiding from their friends, family, their husband and even themselves, I will inspire you to challenge your own inner fears.
What are you hiding? Are you scared you’ll be laughed at? Ignored? Shunned?
First, a big hug from me. I know this isn’t easy. It’s not easy to expose your tender underbelly to the often cruel world. It goes against our very survival instinct, and yet, when you’re honestly and openly yourself, there’s no telling what awesomeness the Universe will send your way.
Life is way too short to spend it repressing yourself, and not enjoying what turns you on, what makes you smile. And if someone can’t accept, or honor that decision, perhaps they shouldn’t be in your life after all.
Big thoughts for this first post, I know. I pinkie promise they won’t all be that way. We’ll get silly, goofy and play around. But sometimes really great sex requires big, bold and open discussions, so you’re going to get that too.
Be brave, my friend, go after what sets your soul on fire. In the bedroom, and out of it. Pushing past the fear is totally worth it.
PS. For the bi or bi-curious ladies reading this that are struggling with their own questions, and need someone that has been in the trenches, you have an open invite to shoot me an email. Consider me your mother hen in a 100% safe space.