Stuck in a sex life that bores you to tears? Or not enjoying a sex life much at all these days? It happens to the best of us, I promise you. It’s not always a sign that the relationship is over, it’s just a sign you need a few tweaks. And the easiest tweak of them all?
Try some gratitude. I know, I know. How is saying “thank you” going to help bring the zing to your bedroom?
Well, it’s pretty simple.
When you are grateful for something or someone, it changes the energy of the relationship. For women (and I’m going to guess, a lot of men), sexual arousal starts in the mind first. If you feel appreciated, supported and loved, you’re going to feel a lot more interested in returning that feeling.
Now I’m not saying that is the only reason why your sex life might not be what it once was. If there is a drastic shift in sexual drive, either on your end or your spouse/partner’s, that is something you need to have a deep heart-to-heart about. Relationships evolve, and so it’s important to practice regular “check ups” and make sure all parties are getting what they need.
You might also want to head to a doctor to make sure your hormones and other goodies are in balance.
But if your sex life has simply gradually lost its zip, a great first step to boost your sex life back to OMG, is to try shifting how you look at your spouse or partner. It might seem silly, but dwelling on the negative, even if it’s just in your own head can translate to zzzzz in the bedroom.
And if you love your spouse, it’s past time to kick the negative habit out of your relationship dynamic (and out of your life, because you’re probably thinking negative thoughts about yourself, too). The first step to breaking the negative thought bad habit, is by flipping some of these negative thoughts into more positive ones.
The next step to breaking your bad habit? Rinse and repeat. It’s that easy.
“Why hasn’t he or she taken out the nasty garbage? I said it needed to go out.” to “I’m so glad he or she always handles the garbage, even if it isn’t always exactly when I ask.”
“Why doesn’t he or she ever initiate sex with me anymore.” to “I love when he or she gives me a kiss before we leave for work.”
“I can’t believe he or she left their clothes on the floor AGAIN. What, am I his/her maid??” to “I love that he or she handles the garbage and yard, and that I keep our house picked up.”
Now that you’ve practiced a few switches to how you’re thinking, let’s go whole hog and try saying those things out loud TO your spouse/partner.
“Thank you so much for taking out the garbage, I know it was a really stinky one. I really appreciate you handling that.”
“Thanks for making dinner, it was just what I needed after such a hectic day.”
“I really appreciate you picking up the house, it feels so much nicer in here now.”
Depending on the type of relationship you have, your other half might nearly pass out from the shock of being thanked for something so trivial. We often fill our relationships with negatives “pay the bills”, “pick up your socks”, “you’re not doing enough”, “you didn’t do this for me” and neglect the positives.
And isn’t that a good feeling to make them feel so appreciated? Way better than flowers and chocolate.
When you shift your energy to look for those positives, and share your gratitude, not only are you training your brain, but you’re training your partner. Positive reinforcement really does work.
Ready for the next challenge? You’ve shifted your thoughts, and started sharing more positive than negative…so if you want to put a major cherry on top, then add the power of touch.
Relationships that aren’t as passion filled as they once were, are often lacking touch. And I’m not talking about sexual touches, although those are great too, and you can definitely boost your casual touches into more seductive touches when the timing is right.
By connecting in a physical way, you’re priming your partner to feel safer, more loved, and more appreciated through casual, loving touch. And just like getting into the habit of feeling gratitude and positive thoughts, getting into the habit of touching your partner will only benefit both of you.
So what are a few ways you can add more touch into your life?
– A hand on their shoulder when you say thank you.
– Holding hands when you’re walking down the grocery aisles.
– Getting in a quick cuddle in bed before the day starts.
– Stroking their arm softly during the commute to work.
– A soft back scratch while cooking dinner or talking about your day.
– A kiss on the side of the neck, or somewhere other than a quick peck on the lips or cheek.
– Coming up behind them when they’re filling their coffee, for a quick hug.
– Playing with their hair while you watch your nightly TV together.
– Offering to give them a foot rub after they return from a long day at work (yes, even if you had a long day too).
OK, here’s your last challenge to bring it all together.
Make time for some hot, hot gratitude filled sex. I’m not saying you need to book it in your calendar with “30 min for hot sex”, but even if you do, would that be so wrong?
We all have crazy, busy lives and if you don’t make things a priority, they will fall by the wayside. And it doesn’t have to be on anyone’s schedule, but your own…whether that’s daily, weekly or even monthly. As long as you fit some hot and loving sex in, and keep it supported with plenty of gratitude, verbal appreciation and loving touches…your relationship will be right back on track.
Share your favorite ways to make your partner or spouse appreciated in the comments. Let’s get some inspiring ideas rolling!!