I’ve used the word hangry many times in my vocabulary, but that day was the first time I really understood it. I was so hungry, I was in a rage. I couldn’t think. I felt like an addict on the verge of withdrawal. Shaking, furious, and fucking hungry. I snapped at everyone. I drove like a maniac. I felt like I was losing my mind.
I’ve always been the anti-dieter. Ever since going through the rounds with anorexia at age 15, I developed an unhealthy relationship with food. I would restrict, and binge, restrict and binge. Luckily, I had an amazing metabolism, and was relatively thin for most of my life.
Then our little bundle of intensity came in to the world, and my body would never be the same. I felt like I was trapped in a stranger’s body. New lumps, folds, stretch marks and pains plagued me day in and day out. I began to lose my identity. I would look into the mirror, trying to understand who I had become. My unhealthy relationship with food became destructive.
The thing is, the relationships we have with food, fucked up or not, are not solely our fault. We are constantly inundated with pictures of celebrities with bangin’ post pregnancy bodies that in reality, take a shit ton of work to create, with personal trainers, nutritionists, and sometimes even some medical help. Rarely do we hear how hard it was for them to attain that “perfect body.”
Especially as women, we have a hard time “taking up space”. We are in this vicious cycle to become skinny, which really is an attempt to take up less space in the world. Society as a whole has taught us to be quiet, obedient and small.
Highly processed foods are easy to prepare (or no prep needed if you hit up a drive thru), usually very cheap, and taste like delicious happiness covered in frosting and sprinkles. The downfall is they are loaded with added fats, refined carbs, preservatives, food coloring and sugar. I know that shit is bad for me. You know that shit is bad for you. We all know that shit is bad for us, but it just tastes so damn good.
Even though I know all of this, I still got sucked in. I ended up trying one of the new diets that are all the rage, where you take drops and severely restrict your diet to 500 calories a day…and I lasted one day. One. Day. Being that insanely hungry made me angry, desperate, and disappointed in myself.
Guess why? Because fuck diets.
Diets are insane. Sure, you lose weight on them, and feel great stepping on the scale every morning, but once you stop that diet, more often than not, you will fall back into your old eating habits, and those pounds will creep back up on you (sometimes more will join the party). Then, you will probably hear all about that new diet from your friend Jane who swears this is the real deal, you just need to eat a steady diet of just air everyday for the next 6 months. No problem. It will turn into a vicious cycle, and your self esteem will be hit, HARD.
How does that make any fucking sense?
Hence why I say, Fuck Diets.
If you really want to lose weight/fit your favorite jeans/feel healthy/be comfortable in your own skin, you need to change how you eat for life. Not just one month, 6 months, or a year. For life. Eat healthy foods you actually like (don’t choke down broccoli and asparagus if the thought of it makes you gag). Exercise in a way that feels good to you. Indulge in the things that really get your motor running. Have that glass of wine. Take care of your health, physically, mentally and emotionally.
The bottom line: Don’t just survive. Take care of yourself. Enjoy your life. Live like you mean it.