When my ex left, he really left! He packed up and moved four states away. We had very little contact with each other, save only necessary communication concerning our kiddo. It has been wonderful not having him here. It made it easier to feel like I could move on and be ok without him.
I have bloomed in the adversity and despair of the breakup. It wasn’t easy by any means, but it was certainly easier than it would have been had he been here. I didn’t have to see his face every other weekend, at baseball games or any other time that we bumped into each other.
Since that day I have grown and feel like I’ve come to a place where I’m finally happy with my life and where I’m headed. I’ve started school, I take more time for me and I’m loving being single again. I’ve reached a place where I was at peace with it all. Until now!
Last week I learned that he’s coming back. He has decided that even though he loves where he moved to, he’s depressed and wants to move back to our area. Hold on… what!? I was so confused and, frankly, pissed off! I mean, I just got my life together since he destroyed it and now here he comes with the wrecking ball again! Surely he has seen, via social media, how amazing I’ve been doing and is purposefully moving back to ensure that he can destroy that too. Right?!? Ok, well probably not, this move back probably has less to do with me and more to do with him.
Although his move back to the area does have some negative impact on my life, I have tried to focus on the good things that will come from this. Setting aside my personal feelings about this man, they aren’t pleasant; he still is the father of my child. My child still loves him. My child still needs him in his life. So I have to set aside my hurt feelings and think of the good that can come from this change.
1 – My kid gets to see his dad more often. With my ex moving so far away we agreed to summer visitation and shared major holidays. This meant at most he would see his dad only twice a year. With this change, he will most likely get to see him every other weekend. Which is great!
2 – No longer a financial burden to try to get flights for an unaccompanied child. Seriously so expensive. I could have bought myself a plane ticket for the price of the fees that airlines charge for unaccompanied minors. $300 more in fees to have him fly alone. Not to mention the nervous wreck this mama was sending her 8 year old flying to another state, with a layover, all by himself! The fees are basically paying for a glorified babysitter to ensure he got to his destination safely. If you don’t have to do this – don’t!
3 – More time for me. Ok, so this one is a little on the selfish side, but it’s necessary. A single mom that doesn’t get a break to rejuvenate is no bueno! If I learned anything from my time alone this past summer, is that I need time for me. I need time to develop my interests and do things that make me happy. Time away from my kiddo. Don’t get me wrong, I love that kid and I am (usually) happy to be around him, even when he’s grumpy. But I need adult conversation every once in a while. I need time to myself. Now I will be able to get it more often. Which is awesome!!!
My point is that even though I really liked my ex being gone, there are some advantages of him being closer. It is not going to be easy and there’s going to be more struggles, especially because I don’t agree with the life that my ex has chosen to live since leaving us. That is beside the point though, the point is that there can be good things that come from this scenario. I’m going to try and focus on the good here. What challenges or changes are you facing? My advice to you reading this, try to find the positive in it! Make a list, even if it’s only two or three things and focus on them. When things look bleak, try to see the light. We all desire goodness, light and happiness in our lives, focus on the good in order to see them.