There are men and women. And then there is the grey area in between. Many have tried to cross this unknown area, some successful, some not. No two species are more misunderstood then men and women. The grey area in between is cause for much grief and assumptions about what lays on the other side. Silenced by shame and a lack of tools to navigate this unknown territory, marital and relationship breakdown occurs.
So what do women really want? The answer is as different and unique as each woman on this planet. Love, pleasure and intimacy are all defined as differently as our DNA.
In my 10 years of experience as a registered nurse, sexologist, coach, lover and wife, I have seen some common themes and universal truths appear.
To be heard and listened to. To be considered one-of-a-kind and not a cookie cutter. To be honored for their unique gifts, personality traits and opinions.
Foreplay. And lots of it. Foreplay is not a 5-10 physical ritual of hitting up her sweet spots. It begins far before you reach the bedroom. It begins when you wake up and set the tone for the day, when you compliment her cooking, clothing, writing, problem-solving skills and parenting. Foreplay is so much more than 10 minutes of due diligence before the perceived main event. Foreplay is a way of life and part of your day, every day.
To be loved up. A lot. With words, with kind deeds, with quality time, with light touch at each available opportunity. To feel irresistible when you cast your eyes upon them, like they are the only one in the room. To be honored with words of praise and love in front of loved ones and friends.
To exercise both their feminine and masculine energies. Both genders have masculine and feminine energy and each one has a specific purpose. Feminine energy is gentle, nurturing, vulnerable, grounding and receiving. Masculine energy is brave, assertive, initiating and leading. Women want to use both their energy forms when it is most beneficial for them. For example, feminine vulnerability is evident when a woman allows her lover to witness her undress, a very vulnerable act. The same woman can also exude her masculine energy when initiating sexual play with her partner.
To give their desires a voice. Witnessing this disclosure is a privilege and a very intimate experience for lovers. When a woman tells you her deepest desires, honor it as your own and say “Thank you”. Watch the magnetic connection, the spark of desire and the embers of love ignite. This is true intimate connection.
You to know that touch is loaded with connotation can be very healing and also very sensual. It is important to have the conversation about what each kind of touch means to each of you. I have heard repeatedly from couples that they avoid any touch with a lover if they do not want to engage in intercourse as they feel all touch leads to sex. Speaking with a partner is important to clarify what each touch means. Touch is important to maintaining intimate connection in your relationship.
To be loved as they are, today. We want to be loved for our imperfections, not in spite of them. These differences are the reason we are one-of-a-kind exquisite creations.
Lesley Stedmon is a sensuality coach, author, speaker and registered nurse dedicated to inspiring women to create more time for pleasure and sensuality in their busy lives and creating the space their desires deserve.
When not on her Sensual Journey, Lesley can be found writing, reading and chilling with her Sisterhood, playing with her kids and living large with her husband on beautiful Vancouver Island, BC.
Latest posts by Lesley Stedmon (see all)
- The Manifesto of the Sensually Awakened Woman - November 23, 2015
- Pleasure – How about now? - October 15, 2015
- Afterplay – After the Orgasm - October 2, 2015
What do women want? Do you agree?