Everyone learns from life experiences differently, and no two divorces are the same. There are valuable lessons to be learned while going through a divorce, even the simplest of ones. Sure most would say they learned things like “be picky in who you date”, “pay a lawyer”, and “communication is a must”, all of which stand true for me. But there are a few obscure things in there too…
- Invest in a good pair of F$%& Me Heels.
These are a must. Wear them to the office, out to dinner or just plain around your own house (bonus points if you’re wearing nothing else). Believe it or not, a good pair of FMPs will make you feel like a porn star. It doesn’t matter how tall they are, or whether or not you can walk in them (you can learn, trust me). They will be an ego boost every time you put them on. I’d suggest starting with some simple black ones, but if you’re daring, there are glittery gold, bright red or even some gorgeous comic covered ones floating around the internet.
- Have a “fling”.
Flings can be fun. Granted, in the end you’ll probably feel some heartbreak, but there’s something to be said for the no strings attached fling. Maybe you just want a quick week long tryst. Go for it. Spread those wings you gorgeous woman you, and take that stud from the bar for a spin. Have fun, see where it leads, and enjoy being wanted… if even for just that night.
- Buy new bras and panties.
If you’re coming out of a marriage like mine, where you rarely bought anything sexy because he hardly saw it anyway, you definitely need new undergarments. Take yourself shopping, make it a girls day if you want, complete with food, wine and witty banter (or if you’re like my friends, a swapping of “man candy” images will ensue).
- Enjoy being alone.
If you have kids with your ex, you’ll find that you sometimes have real alone time. Like really real… No kids for a whole weekend real. (If you don’t have kids, you’re going to find you have a lot more of this time). It’s going to suck. Oh boy is it going to suck, but it slowly gets better. Make plans to fill your time, even if your plans are simply to put on the aforementioned FMPs, bras and panties and sit around your apartment drinking wine and watching Netflix. Read a book, take a hike. Do something you felt like you couldn’t in your marriage (like maybe dye your hair pink). Find little ways to invest in yourself and recharge your internal woman batteries. Learn to cook a gourmet meal. Just do something.
- Learn to put yourself first.
As a mom, this one is super hard for me. I’m a giver. I give things, usually until I completely run out of time, self-confidence, and energy. If you need help thinking of ways to put yourself first, refer back to numbers 1, 3 & 4.
But how does all this relate to dating? You’ll need confidence to put up with all those first dates that don’t lead to second ones. You need the chance to learn what you do and don’t want in a man. You should feel sexy even when rocking the yoga pants and messy bun look. You’ll need some alone time to sort through the mess you’ve undoubtedly been left cleaning up. And finally, you’ll need to remember that there are way too many options to settle for less than what makes you happy. When you’re ready, don those FMPs and go rock someone’s world.