I keep stumbling upon so many articles floating around these days telling us moms to “leave the house messy”, “enjoy this time of your life with your children”, that “being just a mom is enough and be happy with it”! I hear you, loud and clear, but I’ll be honest, all these articles do is piss me off. I want more. I NEED more in my life other than just being a mom. I know what an amazing gift it is to be home and raise my girls and I wouldn’t trade it in for anything. But for me, I don’t want to have to choose between caring for my girls and letting my dreams slip by or be put on hold for 20 years.
Why can’t I have both? Why is society trying to make us settle for less than what we want or dream of these days and deciding for us that because we are women that this should be enough to satisfy us in life?
I want my girls to dream big and let motherhood be a part of that dream and know that it doesn’t have to be a journey that delays their hopes and wishes but one that will give them strength to push forward even harder.
I want them to know that while they are sitting in the everyday mess and chaos of life, feeding one and reading to another, it’s ok for them to be wishing they were doing something more at that moment. It’s ok to be jealous when your husband leaves for a business trip with a suitcase full of fancy clothes and an itinerary filled with intellectual conversations and expensive dinners and a hotel bed not filled with two extra little bodies.
It’s so normal to want to “return to normal” or want to “get your life back” after having kids. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel badly for feeling this way or wanting more. I’ll teach my girls this valuable lesson by being an example and allowing myself to want more. So, while I stand in the middle of my disheveled home at the end of the day with a cranky baby fussing and a spirited 5 year old zooming around the house in a plasma car chasing the dog, I’ll let myself feel the emotion and I will curse this chaotic moment in my head for a minute. Then I will bathe those sweet girls and tuck them into bed and be thankful that I had today with them. Now, it’s time for me, a glass of wine and my computer and I’m off to conquer the world, Yes, my friends, the dishes and laundry will wait tonight, not because I’m cuddling my babies but because it’s time for this mama to continue chasing her dreams.
Motherhood is a Courageous Journey. It’s not courageous because of what we have to give up and sacrifice while we are in the thick of it. The Courageous part is in navigating this journey without losing ourselves and our dreams in the process.
I believe in Love at first sight- I met my husband on his 18th birthday and the rest is history
I’m passionate about a women’s right to birth without fear or pressure whether that is at home or in a hospital, I’ve done it in both places.
I have two beautiful girls, Alexa and Arya, 5.5 years apart. I believe each of my daughters was sent to me to remind me of a piece of myself I have lost along the way, it has been exciting journey to rekindle those parts of “ME” again.
We live on a little River in Southbury, CT with our Rotti Beagle mix, a Crazy 1 year old German Shephard and a fat cat that won’t leave the basement, he might be to fat to climb the stairs.
I love a good margarita on the rocks with Salt but ONLY if my husband makes it with hand squeezed lemons, limes and homemade simple syrup, any other margarita sucks.
I listen to “pitbull” in the car with my daughters, they have no idea who Raffi is but Alexa knows most of the words to “Calle Ocho”
I’m the girl who will love you fiercely but is not afraid to “tell you like it is”, if I do, it means I actually care about you!
I love my girls but there are many days I don’t like them or want to be around them. Yep, I just said that, its normal for you to feel that too!
I believe that mothers a given a handbook when their baby is born, its called “intuition” and it will never lead her astray.
I am a photographer who helps women “Celebrate the Courageous journey of motherhood”
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<3 this. Never settle :)
I love love love this article… So many people, while well meaning, made me feel guilty for wanting to put my newborn down to shower, or make a meal.
I didn’t know it. At 53, I’m just figuring that out. My daughter has a daughter now and my other daughter might. I hope they learn this and will encourage them to do so. Thank you.
I’m becoming a mother for the first time in May. I’m going to be 31 years old, and I’ve spent my adulthood thus far creating my career and my life with my husband (we have been married 9 years).
I know that I will be giving up some of my freedom to do whatever I want and live however I want once this little boy gets here, but I also know that giving up everything, including what I’ve already worked for, to spend 100% of my time being his Mother isn’t in my son’s best interest.
He needs to see his mother thrive so that the knows how to do it himself.
Thanks for this post. It’s another reminder for me as I begin the journey.
I understand the sentiments to a point, but the author keeps juxtaposing motherhood with her REAL “hope and dreams”. Motherhood and “dreams” to her are not only different, they are opposed. We need to start supporting mothers not by telling them they can have it all, (it’s really hard to have a career and raise your kids – and it’s a lot of pressure,) but by telling them that caring for their children is the most important thing they will do in life. Motherhood can and should be a valid dream on it’s own.