Stop. Just stop.
The people pleasing bullshit, that is.
But you’re not a people pleaser, you say?
Well, do you say yes to something, even when deep down you would rather be sitting on your couch inhaling a bag of Doritos? Do you censor what you say so you don’t upset Grandma Betty? Do you constantly say sorry, even for reasons that are completely out of your control?
Then you, my friend, are a people pleaser.
It’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up. It happens to the best of us. Now that you are aware of the silly people pleasing things that you do, you can take the necessary steps to turn that shit around, pronto.
Don’t worry. I’m not saying you should give zero fucks about what other people think and run rampant, starting fires, crashing cars and robbing liquor stores. What I am concerned about is teaching you how to please yourself, first. Then you can worry about the other people you care about.
First off, you need to get clear on what you want, and even more important, what you don’t want. This may take some digging. It can be as simple as knowing how you want to wake up in the morning, what type of people you want in your life, or how you want your coffee. It can be as complex as finding your perfect job, knowing what qualities you want in your dream lover, or your big goals and dreams. Just figure it out so you can get rid of the shit that you don’t want, and surround yourself with more of what you do want.
Next, you need to start treating yourself the way you want others to treat you. Actually SHOW people how you want them to treat you, by treating yourself the way you want them to treat you. Talk nicely to yourself. Take yourself out on dates. Give yourself gifts. Be gentle with yourself. And above all, stop being a dick to yourself!
Next, set up boundaries, with everyone. This sucks. It’s hard, but its worth it. If your mom asks you to do way more than she should, tell her you only have time to do one thing. If your best friend calls you every second of every day to whine about all her first world problems, tell her you need a bit more alone time. If you can put up boundaries with difficult relationships, you will respect yourself, and get more respect as well. You will be able to take care of yourself better, and have time to do the things you want to do, rather than being taken advantage of by someone you love.
Lastly, celebrate! Celebrate all the fabulous things about yourself. Throw a party. Go out dancing with your crew. Indulge. Be happy. Treat yourself. Do things that make you feel good, and enjoy every second of it.
In the aftermath of setting boundaries, demanding respect, and quitting the people pleasing, your badass will start showing. You will have more confidence, start speaking up for yourself, and stop apologizing. You will be happier, will be more motivated, and will have more time to do the shit you actually want to do.
You seriously deserve to please yourself, first. And when you are pleased, everyone around you will pick up on that vibe, and will benefit.
So for the love of all things chocolate and peanut butter, stop fucking people pleasing and apologizing for no damn reason. Do more of what makes you happy. Do less of what pisses you off. Stand strong in your decisions. You’ve got this.