Putting our stories & limiting beliefs to the test
“No one wants to be with me because I’m overweight, I’ll never get married or have a boyfriend…”
She said this with such conviction, that I almost believed her for a second. I was attending a women’s manifestation workshop years ago, and this brave volunteer had been the first to answer the facilitator’s question “What are some of your limiting beliefs and stories?”
Immediately the facilitator rebutted, “Ok, let’s put this story to the test,” and broke into a line of questioning that sounded something like this:
“Is it true that you’ll never get married because you’re fat?”
Answer: Possibly
“Can we know this for sure?”
Answer: Maybe
“Is it true that only skinny women have relationships and get married?”
Answer: Um, well, I guess not
“Is it true that they only make wedding dresses up to size 10?”
Answer: Hmmmmm, I never thought of that. Uh, no, no it’s not true.
The woman was stunned, shocked, then delighted, as though a weight was lifted from her shoulders as she moved through the questions. The last question was the real sinker, the one that totally capsized her whole false and limiting belief system.
What’s true is that they make wedding dresses of all sizes, and every day there’s women of all sizes getting married and entering relationships. So therefore, the belief that she’ll never get married, or be in a relationship because of her weight was totally false.
As simple as this questioning process may seem, I have to tell you, I was totally blown away watching it unfold. Because to be honest, I had a secret storehouse of my own limiting beliefs I’d been clutching onto for years, and being overweight was just one of them.
So next it was my turn to lay it on the table. My big story at the time was “I’m not in a relationship because I’m a single mom, and no one wants to date a single mom.”
We put the story to the test: “Is it true? Is it true that single moms never get married or enter relationships?”
The answer is embarrassingly obvious: of course that’s not true.
When I was finally able to step back and challenge the story, it just melted away. I remember thinking “Huh, isn’t that interesting, it never even occurred to me that this story is false or lacks validity.”
And that’s the power of those bullshit stories. They totally blind us to both reality and logic.
One by one, the women challenged their stories, and one by one they all dissolved right before our eyes. All the bullshit stories and fears that were literally running the show in our lives, ended up being nothing but smoke and mirrors. This is what stories are famous for, they latch onto our fears and insecurities and feed off them. So by stepping back and really questioning our stories, we’re able to regain our strength, get a solid footing in reality, and access our personal power.
Since that workshop I’ve questioned countless stories and I’m always so amazed to see how quickly they crumble when put to the test.
We all have limiting beliefs and stories. If there’s a place in your life where you feel stuck or held back, chances are there’s a lingering story or limiting belief at work. Sometimes they’re easy to dissolve because the answer is so obviously false when we ask “Is it true?”
But be warned, sometimes the stories are relentless and really have a strong hold on us. Keep at it, keep going deeper with the questioning, keep putting it to the test. This is the ego at work, fighting for it’s life, because once you dissolve the story, there’s nothing to hold you back from living the brilliant, creative life you’re meant to live.
Now it’s time to get honest:
We all have stories and limiting beliefs that we latch onto. What are some of the stories that have been operating in your life, and more importantly, are you willing to put them to the test and let them go?
If you want more information on breaking free from your stories, check out “The Work” of Byron Katie www.thework.com
Melanie Soleil
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