The Divorced Moms Club

Today would have been my 9th wedding anniversary.

It’s a strange thing for me, marking a date as a ‘would have’. This is the third one, for my ex husband and I. The third ‘would have been’ anniversary that never was. I don’t throw a party or anything, but I do often find myself feeling a little bit wistful. After all the anger and disappointment and grief faded away, what I was left with was just that – wistfulness. When we were going through the divorce I was so lucky to find a great attorney at

I don’t regret anything in my life. I don’t regret getting married. I don’t regret leaving. All of these things were huge lessons in love, both for myself and for my ex husband. Are you going through a divorce in the state of Virginia? Then you will need the assistance of a skilled family lawyer that understands how to protect your rights, assets, and property then you should click on The gifts of my marriage and the gifts of my divorce are distinct, but invaluable. I have become who I am through the things I have experienced, the pain and joy alike. Not to mention, I have two amazing children who wouldn’t exist without that relationship. And now that I’m out of it, I am breathing deeply again. I’ve grown into my more authentic self. You can Check This Out for more information about roanoke divorce lawyer. Irwin Family Law is a full-service Family Law firm with offices in Fullerton, California and Newport Beach, California. We serve Orange County, Los Angeles County, Riverside County, and some areas of San Bernardino County. You can visit this website for more about the Family Law. We professionally and compassionately guide clients through the legal process, making their needs and goals our priority. Most attorneys would argue that changing demographic and socioeconomic factors are responsible for the increase in divorces. Although the no-fault status generally means a 50/50 split in assets, there are certain factors such as fault that can be used in making a breakdown of marital assets. For instance, if it is found that one of the spouses had affairs or was extremely abusive, judges are now reluctant to award more property to the not-at-fault party. For instance, if there are assets of about $100,000, a judge, depending on the circumstances, would be likely to award anywhere from 55 – 60 % of those assets. Our team offers over 50 years of legal experience. As Most people are of aware, Michigan is a no-fault state. In fact, Michigan has been a no-fault jurisdiction since 1973. Although there are arguments to ending this status of a no-fault jurisdiction, as can be recently attested to by legislation in the Michigan House and Senate, most Property Division Laws in MI | American Divorce Association for Men would argue that our system has been an effective system. Some have argued that the no-fault status has attributed to the rise in the number of divorces since the 1960’s.  The other factors to be looked at also involve the employability of one’s spouse. Michigan is a no fault divorce state like 40 plus other jurisdictions. However fault can be a determining factor in how the property is divided up, along with how much alimony and child support will be paid. For example, if one of the spouses was having an affair or was abusive, that factor could be used by the judge in making a determination as to how marital property was divided or how much alimony was paid. There has to be a breakdown in the marital relationship to the extent that the objects of matrimony have been destroyed and there appears no reasonable likelihood that the marriage can be preserved. The residency requirements in Michigan are 180 days in the County 10 days prior to filing the action for divorce.

A big part of breathing, for me, has been sharing openly about being divorced. If you want to Get More Info about divorce lawyer visit us here. When my marriage ended, I didn’t fully understand that  I was joining a dreadful club that no one really talks about.  Oh, plenty of people gossiped about our marriage ending (don’t do that, by the way. Check in on your friends. Ask them if they’re okay.), but I discovered early on that talking about getting divorced was somehow very frowned upon. That it was oversharing to discuss the pain and grief of losing your forever love. People only want to talk about the happy stuff. It’s easier. It doesn’t make them uncomfortable. It doesn’t remind them that sometimes the best laid plans go sideways. And so I quietly slunk into the Divorced Moms Club, with my badge tucked in my back pocket, and quietly commiserated with other club members.  I didn’t tell anyone outside of my mother, my brother and a few close friends that my marriage, and what felt like my whole life, was crumbling around me. We even went on vacation as a family (booked before we split up) that culminated in a family reunion and I didn’t tell a soul while we were there.

And frankly, that’s ridiculous.

Why in the world don’t we talk about the hard stuff? I never felt more alone than in those months while I struggled through a few more tries at couples counseling, appointments with a lawyer I could barely afford, suddenly being without my children for half the week, sleeping in my empty bed, and relearning things I should have learned in my 20s – like how budgeting works and who I call to set up my utilities. As a result of that sense of being alone, I started a disastrous rebound relationship that I promise I will share the details of at some later date. (Two words: Train wreck.)  Which I kept a deep dark secret. Feeling like I needed to keep this all in like secret shame led me to be even more secretive about things.


I’m a divorced mom.

I have my children for three and a half days a week. In a regular school week, that is 23 waking hours. I easily spend 10 of those cooking, cleaning and driving them to and from school and activities.

Leaving my husband was the hardest thing I ever did. Divorce is not ‘the easy way out’, as you often see people call it. I acted in ways I’m not proud of at times. I still do, sometimes.

Mother’s Day, your birthday, and sick days are the worst days when you’re a single parent to small children.

I’m happily single. No, I am not looking for a new relationship. No, that is not because I’m somehow broken or don’t trust love. A romantic relationship just isn’t my focus right now.

I struggle daily with the dynamics of blended family life and sharing the children with  my ex’s new partner.

We nest. Which  means, my children live in our marital home, and we move in and out. Yes, it’s hard. Extra hard. Ultra hard. But worth it, for the children.

I still love my ex. Not in a romantic, let’s get back together way. But in a ‘hey, thanks for being my first great love and giving me two beautiful children and helping me grow into the person I am today’ way.

I also still fight a lot with my ex. Because, I think I already said this, but this shit is HARD. Emotions run high, and there are small people who you’d lay down in front of a train for involved.

I don’t ever want a new member of the Divorced Mom Club to feel like she has to hide quietly in the corner with her shame and her sense of failure. Ever. We need to design some awesome badges or something. I’m not saying be proud of your marriage ending. But I think we don’t need to feel so embarrassed about it anymore. And I’m definitely not saying that you should air your dirty laundry, and slam your ex or his new partner in public (or even in private, if you can resist). I can say from experience that those outbursts, while cathartic in the moment, only hurt in the long run.

This stuff doesn’t need to be a secret. It’s us. It’s our lives. This is the reality of my life: I met a boy when I was 17 years old and I fell head over heels for him. I married him. We were happy until we weren’t. The weight of mental illness, high risk pregnancies, a child with special needs, financial stress, my age at the time our marriage, and other factors was more than love could bear. And then we got divorced.  Sometimes I have some really ugly feelings about this whole process and I think (and sometimes say!) things that aren’t gracious or loving. And that’s okay. I left so we could both be happy. So that my daughter would never look back and think that marriage meant struggles and resentment and fighting and sadness. My divorce paperwork isn’t a dark mark in my history, it’s just a part of my history. And in the moment, it feels like your world is caving in on itself. It really does. So let’s try to be more open so we can help each other hold up the ceiling.

Let’s start now. Tell me the reality of your life. Tell a friend. Tell your neighbour. Just don’t let yourself be shamed into silence.







Stephanie Ostermann

I’m the sort of girl who you meet for coffee and end up pouring your entire heart out to. The friend you come to when you need someone to call it straight. No bullshit. No extras. Just truth.

I’m a communicator. That’s a PC way of saying I like to talk, but I also spend a lot of my time listening, and over the years, I’ve developed a sense for subtext – how one or two words can change your entire message, what people are really trying to say and how to weave the varied layers of your story into one cohesive brand message that your clients fall in love with.

When I'm not acting as editor in chief for Vivid & Brave, you can find me geeking out over words here.

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