Schedules, activities and appointments surround me like a tornado in Kansas that is brewing in the sky with an impending threat of a touch down right over my house as I say yes to one more commitment in my seam bursting calendar. “It’s okay, I can do that too,” I tell myself as my rear deceives me and sits firmly planted in my chair looking outside wondering what happened to my life. When did it get so busy? And who said that all that crap needed to get done anyway? Questions arise like, “Will the quality of anyone’s life change if it doesn’t’? “When did I, maybe you too, decide that we need be superwoman?” The [W]wonder woman on my chest seemed heavier than I remembered and my cape often feels as though it is being held on by dental floss. It has become very clear that attempting to love and fulfill everyone else in my life is pointless if I am not loving on myself with at least equal passion. It seems that is either a reality check or full blown melt down. Which one depends on how we choose to view the situation. It is all about our perspective and the desires we choose to fulfill or fill life with.
Go! Be! Do! I don’t know about you, but those words ring in my ears like a bell being held next to my head by an obnoxious child that just wants to get attention. “Shut up, stop it!” I say but it just keeps ringing. “Just a minute! Coming….Ok……WHAT?” I finally scream as though my cries have any power over the constant imaginary bullies of tasks that demand my attention. She sings,” I told you this was too much. I told you not to sit down and drink that tea. I told you that there wouldn’t be enough time to finish all of this.” On and on, that Hag wages war on my psyche trying to remind me of all the ways I am not succeeding. But little does she know, I have something on her. I have time. I have experience and I have appreciation for where I am now in my life. That Hag is a liar. It is time to put her in her place.
This tape sometimes plays over and over in my head usually when I have the longest task list. After many years of trying to run from the noise…(I’m not fast enough)….I’ve decided to outsmart her, not out run her (I have named noise the HAG) . She can ride, but she cannot drive! I don’t have to go anywhere. Where I am at this stage of life, like every other is exactly where I need to be. After all, the present is all we really have. I don’t have to be anything other than who I already am. And as for doing…well, I’m doing just fine. As long as I am breathing, smiling and loving everything else is icing. Right now it’s time to enjoy the cake. Only then can the icing be appreciated. I am enough for me and anyone who doesn’t think so can move the heck out of the way. It is okay. We all have a choice to make a decision to nurture ourselves which may include turning up the music and drowning out the voices of discontent. There will always be somewhere to go or something to accomplish. That will always be there. But there will only be one me, one you. I will slow down as often as necessary to feed my soul because I am enough right now. I’m gonna enjoy the view.
What about you? Have you decided that you are enough yet? Because you absolutely are.