You may be wondering why I’ve gathered you here today. What are all of you doing here, in front of me, in this space? All you people from my past, and present. People I’ve seen recently, and people I haven’t seen in many years, some even decades. Some of you are good people, some of you are not. I’m fairly certain at least one of you is a sociopath.
Well, I’m sorry to say my dearest haters, that this is the end of the road for us. I’m moving on to greener pastures. Because this thing that what we’ve got going on here? It’s not working for me, never has and never will. And it’s far past time that I woke up to that fact and made some decisions. You see, as I said before, you’re not all bad people. The thing that you all have in common, besides me, is that at one point or another during our relationship, I showed myself to you and you did not see me. I was invisible to you. And that led to me being dismissed, discarded or disregarded. And, well, I took that personally. In some cases it was pretty devastating.
What I’ve learned, however, is that what happened wasn’t personal. No matter how harshly you treated me, or didn’t, it had nothing to do with me. Because, for whatever reason, when I showed myself to you, you *couldn’t* see me, or wouldn’t. Whatever story you were telling about what was happening got in the way. And how could that have anything to do with me? I was just being myself. As were you.
I’m tired, dear haters. Tired of dragging around this resentment and hurt. All those moments when memories would sneak up on me and turn my peace and joy into suffering. All those heavy chains from the past, dragging me down every time I thought of what happened, or didn’t. All the time wasted dwelling on things I can’t change, like you, or the past. The only thing I can change is myself, and my reaction to you. And the major twist to our twisted story? Maybe I’m the biggest hater of all. For agreeing to this. For taking it on and keeping it going. For imagining those words in your mouth and those thoughts in your head. And for making this story bigger and more important than it ever was.
And so this is it for us. I’m a woman on a mission and what we’ve got going on here? It certainly will not get me where I want to go. Some of you I wish well and some of you I wish merely to be gone from my present life and thoughts, relegated to nothing more than a lesson, and a memory. Either way from now on you will get no airplay in the frequency of my life. Because at the end of the day all we have is the present moment and whatever story we choose to tell about our experience. And it’s time for me to change my story. So I make it my intention from this point forward to no longer respond to you – in life, online or in my head. And I’ll admit that might take some practice. I fully expect some backsliding in this endeavour. And that’s okay, because I know sooner or later I’ll get where I’m going. And when I do I’ll be celebrating with all the *other* people in my life. The non-haters. My cheering-section, my biggest fans, the ones who see me, and get me. And the ones who truly deserve any energy I’ll be putting out from here on in.
Latest posts by Elizabeth Holt Handlovsky (see all)
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