“I don’t have haters; I have fans in denial.”
It may shock you — but not everyone agrees with my choices. The truth is, my network;(my friends and family) all have one common thread — they’re people of conviction. Our moments of disagreements tend to outweigh our agreements, but the strength of our convictions gives birth to relationships based on honesty.
I value honesty above most else. It is far to easy to delude yourself. You can make a living indoors, almost all supplies you need for life can be shipped to your door, and in this new societal culture of acceptance– people are afraid to disapprove.
Honesty keeps life in check.
I believe you are entitled to your opinion (even if it is wrong). Beyond that, I feel we each have a personal duty to share our convictions with those in our community (our block, our network, our world). We all have a duty of honesty, a calling to care. If you’re in my life (I see you or interact with you), it’s my job to call it out when something in your life seems out of whack.
GUIDELINES FOR CALLING IT OUT
It isn’t about putting all your business out there; it’s about bringing light to a possible problem, so it doesn’t become a disaster.
If you see a volcano erupting, it’s best not to wait for the lava.
*Is it coming from a place of love or criticism?
*What communication style would allow a person to be most receptive to this message?
*Is this problem/issue keeping them from their ultimate goals?
If it’s not coming from a place of positivity or love — it’s not worth mentioning. Keep yourself in check! And don’t forget, just because you recognize a problem doesn’t mean they’ll respond the way you wish.
MY PERSPECTIVE
My life is my choice. My decisions are my responsibility. Even if I’ve made a wrong one; every moment I live is a teachable one — it’ll prepare me for what’s next.
Everyone doesn’t get it.
Society is overrun with Approval Addicts. We all want people to acknowledge our accomplishments, notice our uniqueness and take the time to SEE us, but approval addicts crave it to the point of inaction.
THE NEWBIE GUIDE TO “TAKING IT”
FORGET THE “RUBBER STAMPS.”
Relinquish the idea that everyone needs to rubber stamp your choices. THEY DON’T! Your life should be lived FOR YOU. It’s for you to decide what happens next. There are no wrong turns in life — just opportunities for growth.
People have different priorities. The “peanut gallery” may shoot down your ideas, or disapprove of your actions merely because it wouldn’t work with their life. Good news! It’s not about them; it’s about you!
AFTER IT HEATS UP, IT ALWAYS COOLS DOWN
Not everyone will agree. That’s fine. You need to be able to handle the discord. Take in the perspective without allowing it to bring you to tears. Identify why they’re sharing — is this coming from a place of concern? Hear what they’re saying, not what you think they are. Is there any truth? Then weigh everything in balance. If the source can’t be trusted you should consider that — but if they’ve identified a problem in your blind spot — start taking steps to find your solution.
I can’t count the number of times my inner circle (family, friends & other loved ones) disagreed with my choices. They were vocal. And they elaborated. Repeatedly.
Why are we still close? Because you can sincerely care for me and completely disagree with my actions. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.
The trick? Be able to stand by your choices in spite of the chatter. Your life. Your choices. If you can take the heat, then you’re ready to accept responsibility for your actions.
GET AN OPINION, AND VOICE IT
It’s not a one-way street. When you have people in your life that you care for, it’s your duty to pay attention. If they’re making decisions that are damaging to their well-being — say something! It’s not about judgement; it’s about love.
If you see a problem and fail to be a voice of reason, then you are partially responsible for any disaster that ensues.
Be bold enough, big enough, and be ready to make a difference.
Jennifer Dowe
Latest posts by Jennifer Dowe (see all)
- Big Enough to Do It, Bold Enough To Take It - August 23, 2015
- How to Ask for Help: A Reference Guide from Kindergarten - August 11, 2015
- Into Focus: How to Find Perspective - July 23, 2015
